Stanley McChrystal Traded in Five Player Deal

Washington - President Obama today announced that he had traded General Stanley McChrystal to the Taliban for a 1st round draft choice in next month's terrorist draft, with the Taliban dealing three plum Afghan opium operatives to Al-Qaida, with future considerations to the American team from Al-Qaida, possibly an expert on suicide bombing.

McChrystal, for one, was ecstatic on the deal, stating that, "I've always enjoyed watching the Taliban work. They're skilled. They're fun. They want to win. They drive Toyotas with rocket launchers. I'll fit in well with them. I soured on the management on the American team. Not enough commitment to win. Plus I couldn't smoke what I wanted. Besides, I want to have many wives, and with the Tali I can do that. Good money here, and the cost of living is low. And, it'll be great to do counter-counter insurgency. Can't wait."

Analysts predict that the first round draft choice would most likely be Mohammed Many Mohammed, an IED maker of high promise, who personally has claimed the lives of 75 coalition soldiers, runs fast and who speaks passable English. When interviewed this afternoon, Mohammed claimed that he doesn't care who he plays for, "as long as I can see heads blown off." That's the attitude, analysts say, that the American side sorely lacks and why it's ready to deal now.