Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mother to Pacific Garbage Patch Speaks Out

The recently discovered garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean has garnered a lot of ink of late and been the cause of a lot of worry. Today, Nonnytrash, mother to the garbage patch, fired back at the critics describing them as heartless and defended her son as gross and misunderstood.

"Do you have any idea of how many years of thoughtlessness and uncaring goes into creating something twice the size of Texas? Of course you don't!" She scowled. "You think because you contributed to the stillbirth that is my son you can say any mean thing you want about him? You better think again or I'll fix it so that BPA ends up in all your lakes, rivers, streams and groundwater and none of you ever has any kids of your own!"

"You know, you raise a kid and you hope he can grow, prosper and cover the world and you can be proud. Instead I have to read all these terrible things in papers that date back to 1997 and I'm just not going to take it lying down. What do you think I am, human?"

Nonnytrash's mood brightened when talk turned to her newest progeny now inhabiting the Atlantic Ocean. I see great things for our kind in the future. I invite you to join us. It's not like you can beat us!

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